Wednesday, June 1, 2016


"What if I never accomplish anything else in my life?"

This is the question that's been ruminating in my head over the past week.

It started after a two-day stretch of sunshine in the merry, merry month of May. I was working outside on the deck while my husband hung out with the kids in the yard. Blue skies lapped the top of the mountains, the trees beginning to bud and give off that bright chartreuse of new spring leaves. I sipped my tea and breathed in the wonders of the beautiful day.

Then it just popped into my head: What if I never accomplish anything else?

What if I just enjoy each day, like today? What if I take my time to breathe in the sunshine, or the rain? What if I work, watch my kids grow up, play with them after work, make dinner, relax, repeat?

What if I never finish my Masters? What if I never get a promotion? What if I don't get us out of debt ahead of schedule? What if I don't organize my paperwork, or clean the house to a sparkle, or keep up with all the laundry, or finish all these things things THINGS I have to do?

It's not about being lazy. It's not about lacking ambition. It's not about never getting anything done.

It's about ceasing to strive for perfection. It's about relaxing my grip and letting go. It's a little bit about living RIGHT NOW. With whatever is going on RIGHT HERE. It's about letting myself be free, and not feeling bad about it.

We've been in our small house for almost a year and a half, and it's irked me almost every day that my life still seems so full of clutter - stuff clutter (yeah sure, it's there) but also thought clutter and time clutter. I still feel scattered, too busy, missing the moments of my children's fleeting childhood.

We downsized our stuff, but we're still working on downsizing our life. Making time for the things that matter means ignoring the things that don't. My biggest problem in the downsizing arena now is feeling comfortable with my life - feeling valuable - even if I never accomplish anything else. I'm a do-er, I'm "task-oriented" so this is not easy for me.

I practiced this past weekend. We made no plans other than hanging out with some friends at their lakehouse, enjoying the sunshine, a random trip to the store to pick up some gardening things. We had fun. I had fun! There wasn't any stress, because there was nothing to do except relax.

This is essentially what I imagine when I think about being retired, and I have decided that I just don't want to wait until then to start enjoying my life.